Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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