All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
