dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
