I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
