He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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