My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
