scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
