Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
