If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
