You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
