Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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