you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So. Much. Porn.
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