The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
