I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you would pick up someone in the library
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There r osticjed everywhere
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
