Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
