I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he thought i was a dude.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
