take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
