she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
