guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
