Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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