i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
