Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
