literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
