I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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