You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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