I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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