Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize