i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
