just tell him i said nine months
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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