at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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