yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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