She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
