the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
