those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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