Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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