can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
