I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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