You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
