She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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