Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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