Me. At least after what I've been through.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
