Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
