New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
vagina is talking i cant
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
