MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
