i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
