Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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