Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
