Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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