if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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