one might say we're banned from that church
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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