So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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