i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
