it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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