theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
