I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
