i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
